Let Her Go…

 

I know Passenger originally sang this song but Jasmine Thompson’s voice is amazing!

 

You only know you love her when you let her go…

My Granddaddy always said- “You’ll never miss the water till the well runs dry!”.

Sometimes in life, love isn’t enough, compassion isn’t enough, caring isn’t enough, thoughtfulness isn’t enough, being there for someone isn’t enough, having a open loving heart isn’t enough BUT no matter what; in those “sometimes’ moments— YOU ARE STILL ENOUGH!!!! You are good enough, strong enough, YOU are loved, cherished, admired and wanted by someone! We all are!

There is always someone else going through your same struggles, pains and discouragement. You were made to heal, live, love and survive. Broken hearts heals, the bruises fade away the pain slowly turns to scars and you pick yourself back up, dust off and keep it moving!

Life isn’t easy. It wasn’t made to be easy. Without all the sweat and tears how else are we to become stronger? That backbone often spoken of, we all have it. Only you can determine how strong it really is. Only you can say when it’s broken, bent or torn. Only you have the power to use it to stand back up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

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Never be someones door mat. I don’t care who they are. You are special and were made with such a great and powerful love to have to even be treated less than you ever deserve. Do good and don’t change no matter how many times you get pushed to the side, walked on or treated poorly. At the end of everyday, lie your head down and know that you can smile because you gave the day and all the people in it your best! No one can take that from you! No one can take anything from you no matter how hard they try to belittle and destroy you.

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Some people “learn” you so well that they no exactly how to manipulate you. They know how far they can push your buttons and then when they need to “reel” you back in. They don’t want you but they don’t want to lose you. They benefit in some way from you but you won’t see that until you’re vision isn’t blurred by love. They will continue to do this until YOU decide that they are done toying with your heart, life and emotions.

We all know that it hurts like hell to breakup or let go of someone we truly love and care about. But you have to decide whom do you love more-Them or YOU? It is okay to sit around and cry about it but you gotta GET BACK UP and Move On! If they want to continue to do the things they know cause you pain- Let Them Go, they didn’t want a TOP SPOT in your life to begin with!

 

Seasonal people with lifetime expectations…..

~Tricia

I AM VULNERABLE……

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”

 

– Criss Jami

A weakness that I’m struggling with …

Letting go of the past… Loving someone so very much and having no choice but to let them go from your life and heart is so hard. I am struggling with how much I miss Deric and how badly I have wanted him to come back and fix every part of us that he broke.

Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person …

I feel as if I’ve already been being courageous with this.  I have people that I can call or message when I am feeling really down and I express to them that I am struggling with this. So I can’t pick just one person and I also don’t feel like I am struggling today. Yesterday was the 1st day I haven’t cried and broke down. I woke up this morning feeling happy and bubbly and more like my old self again. My hope is that I don’t need to call or text anyone today about a struggle, just a hope and a happy place 🙂

 

Sometimes, you really feel like…

I need this wishful thinking to goooooo away!!!! I keep thinking, “oh, he’s gonna call today, he’s gonna be sorry and want to work this out!” NOPE!!!! Its. Not Going. To Happen!!! I wish this thing had emojis… LOL!!! I just wander does he miss me too? Is he driving his brain and heart crazy thinking about me too??? I wish I could just STOP and just be numb until this all passes. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not strong… But I know I am. I just wish that he had loved me like he swore he did. Like how much I really DO love him…

~Tricia

I AM HEROIC!!!

“If you are not the hero of your own story, then you’re missing the whole point of your humanity.”

– Steve Maraboli

If my life was a movie and it started today, what would the hero do?:

The Hero would be a woman and she would show me through her eyes what she really see’s when she looks at me. She would be able to show me the future and how I made it and and overcame every obstacle that was placed in my paths. She wouldn’t save me but guide me, direct me and help me through things. She would listen and be there for me and would love me as her own.

What old routines and patterns would the hero break?:

She would break me of all the negativity that I see, say and do about myself. She would break me from “settling” for less than I deserved. She would help me to see that I am valuable, loved, cared for, respected and courageous. She would help guide me away form anyone or anything that wasn’t beneficial or healthy for me and my life.

What new habits would the hero replace those old habits with?:

Self Love and admiration. Respect for myself. Knowing my worth and value. Being brave and courageous. Not putting up with any B.S. The ability to see and acknowledge when a situation isn’t good for me.

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I AM PREPARED…

1 week later….

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might not get there.”

 – YOGI BERRA

I have 24 days left in my 30-day goal to    (insert 30-day goal)   .
Which means within two weeks, I need to
  (insert 2-week goal)   .
Which means in a week, I need to 
  (insert 1-week goal)   .
Which means in the next three days, I need to    (insert 3-day goal)   .
To hit that 3-day goal, today I need to  
  (insert today’s goal)   .

I have 24 days left in my 30-day goal to: Learn to wholeheartedly love myself, let go of the past that hurt me and to forgive the people that have hurt me.

Which means within two weeks: I need to acknowledge all past hurts and failures, forgive myself and keep reminding my self that I AM Good Enough.

Which means in a week I need to: Embrace the time I have by myself and use it very diligently to help myself complete my goals I have set for my own life.

Which means in the next 3 days I need to: Come up with a plan and put that plan into action by day 3 of how I can make these goals a reality and live with them and by them.

To hit that 3-day goal, today I need to: Stay focused on Myself and the “prize”  I am preparing for myself. I need to not be hard on myself today, I need to not worry if Deric is missing me or thinking about me or spending his time with another woman. I need to worry about myself because at the end of the day, I am only solely responsible for Me, Myself and I! I can’t change the past- I can learn from it, move on from it and pray about it but I Can Not Change It!

~Tricia

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Another 2 in 1 day…

I know she thinks about me. Thats obvious.:

Everyday is supposed to get easier.. Why isn’t it??? My heart feels like he just this morning. My heart is seriously aching for this man and he legit isn’t thinking about me at all. These are the moments when it hurts the most. Its storming here and its late, he should be home with me. Holding me on the couch watching movies. Not off doing God only know what with who knows who.. But me… I’m home hurting, crying and writing on here to nobody… I feel so alone. I know it will fade eventually but now, in this moment it hurts so badly and I just want no I NEED it to stop. I need the tears pouring down my cheeks to to stop falling, I need the redness and puffing of my eyes to go away. I need HIM, Deric Faulkner to WAKE UP and see that I was a god woman and that I was there for him and that my love was really real! I need him to come knocking at my door uncontrollably and crying and begging to please let him in and to please give him another chance. That he knows I am the only woman that he wants and the only woman he wants to his time to and the only woman he cares about and the only woman he wants to have his attention and the only woman he wants to love fro the rest of his life! Why? Why Dear God is this all so hard? Why does it have to hurt so bad? Why can’t he do what is right? Why does he get to live his life everyday just fine while I sit here and my room bawling over the loss of what we had? It wasn’t always great but shit, it wasn’t always bad. I’m tired, I’m hurt and I just want him to fix EVERYTHING he broke! He doesn’t call, he doesn’t text and doesn’t anything. It’s over and I tried to fight so hard and so long for him to just stop putting me and us through all of his messiness with all those other woman. I hate all of what he did wrong and I love all of him anyways…

 

 

I AM ENOUGH….

What can my voices of ‘not enough’ teach me as I spend time listening to them?

“You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough. MELANIE JADE

All of the ways I feel like I am not “enough”:

  1. skinny enough
  2. pretty enough
  3. good enough to love
  4. smart enough
  5. funny enough
  6. fun enough
  7. good mommy

I am Enough!

I am not skinny but I am healthy

I am not ugly; I am actually very beautiful

My eyes, my lips, nose nose, my hair, my hands, my legs, my hips and butt; all all perfectly made and I am ENOUGH to see that and feel that and “say dat doe”!

I am good enough to love; love myself, my son loves me unconditionally, my family loves me my friends love me. Love isn’t measured by the person you “want” a relationship, it is measured on how much you love your self first!

I am smart! I’m very very very smart! Almost what society would say “nerd status”! I graduated college 3 times in the medical field and in just 3 years at IU Health- I received 3 promotions and not I am in Corporate.

I am funny but more of “goofy”. I am clumsy, ditsy, laugh at my own self, tell jokes messed up…

I am fun enough! I love to do outgoing things and have adventures. I love being outside, I love laser-tag, go carts, golf carts, get together s, going on road trips, far away trips, getting dirty, sweating, hiking.. the list goes on and on!

I am a great mommy! I make sure my son has food, clothes, a home, goes to school. I make sure he knows and feels loved. We have “dates”, we have serious talks and we have fun talks, we talk about music, sports and toys. He plays sports and I make sure he has everything he needs for them. I encourage him, I let him know how great he is and to always do things with confidence.

Today; I am telling all the things and people that have made me feel- “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH”- you’re WRONG! I am Good Enough! I am able and capable of doing all things and I am sorry if you didn’t see my worth and value, that was and is your loss but for me and my well being, I refuse to believe or let you control how I feel about myself! Because I. Am. Good. Enough! I will no longer say, text, email or think AGAIN; that I am not “enough”! Because let me say it again; I. AM. Good. Enough!!!!!

~Tricia