This is supposed to be getting better, easier and more emotionally under control!!! What The What!?!?!? I just want to go home at this point lay in my bed and soak my pillow with MISSING YOU TEARS!!!
Nothing triggers this, at least I don’t think.. I mean other than being bored at work and then maybe the 1,002 phone calls I’d make to Deric Every. Single. Day from work… Just breathe, breathe through it is what the 30 day challenge people say… Well I’m certain their heart isn’t the one that’s broken right now… Good news is; Today in the “challenge” email that if you weren’t “relapsing already then you weren’t human! That little confirmation makes me feel not as stupid…
I just think the same crap over and over… I know Deric is fine and okay and happy and not missing me or thinking about me and Mannnnnnnnnnnnn does that crap HURT!!!! Whew… Like- I. Can’t. Even. Right. Now! I still have 40 minutes left of work and I can’t break down right now.
I just have to be strong hold it together for basically 50 minutes. My hope is that this feeling just passes by without losing it, again.. I wish I could just see him, like you know in the movies where they somehow “magically” get to spy on the other person… I don;t know if it would help or hurt me more though!?!!?
Then his stupid song is legit playing on my computer RIGHT NOW… “I’m On The Way” iHeart radio… Not the best idea! Lol..
Okay, I feel a little better, back to work and back to fighting off these thoughts and tears!