A past moment that left me feeling powerless or afraid …
Gooood Morning and Happpppy FriiiYayyyy!!!!
January 2, 2015…
I had been talking to this guy and going out on “group dates”. One night a group of us met at his house and went out to dinner. We all came back to his house and everyone left before me. I went inside to use the restroom before heading home. When I went to leave, he grabbed and and started forcing his-self on me. He was 6’5 and a football player and I am all of 5’2 and smaller. He was so strong and held me down and I just kept fighting to get him off of me. He began to rape me. There was nothing I could do but keep fighting. I was able to “head-bunt” him enough to get from under him, grab my purse and run for the door. Luckily the alarm was set and it started going off. That was the distraction I needed to make my escape. I don’t want to go into further detail of this event but that moment was the biggest moment in my life, I felt completely powerless.
I was afraid after that night to give anyone a chance, go on a date, meet for lunch or even coffee. I was scared that this would happen again. I had been talking to that man for a couple months. We hadn’t been “intimate” before and he had never shown signs that he was like that to me. I was completely caught off guard. That situation could had ended even more worse than it already was. But GOD!
How can I let go of that limiting past experience based on what I now know?
I have let that moment to a degree. It doesn’t haunt me or scare me anymore. I have dealt with it, sought help and was able to move past it. When an event as tragic as this happens to you, you have two choices; let it hold you back and torture you or Let it go, pray about it and move on and learn from it.
I’ve always driven looking at my rear-view mirror. I speed sometimes.. And I always am watching to see if a police officer is behind me, lol.. But lately I’ve been told to “stop looking at my past, I don’t live there anymore”! I take that as I am driving the same. I’ve already “passed” it up… Why do I care what’s behind me if what I am doing in my future is right/correct?
I can’t change, undo, wish, pray or do anything about my past; but I tell you what! I have full control over my future and no that, if I stay focused and driven- my future will take me where my past can never get to!
Make it a Blessed Day!